Hard to Express

I wonder why I find it so hard to write: to express my thoughts coherently and purposefully.

I always wondered how people could write, when from the depths of my mind comes a blank and a big BULLSHIT just comes sputtering out, sometimes good, more often bad. And as I head off to college I wonder how horribly prepared I am for this writing; this thinking I'd have to brave into. Am I ready?

Pop goes high-school, bursts out college.

Is this what its all about? the hype, the dreams, the scene screams of immoral behavior; of fruitless activity, yet what blossoms seems to stem from an entirely different tree. From drunken piss holes to magnificent corporations, from what comes this evolution.

College; the beginning of the end.

Its when responsibilities actually start to matter to most, and when social interaction is at an all-time high. And everything, these responsibilities and people, seems to have come all too soon and all too fast. I'm reminiscing of the days when missing other people never seemed to occur. Days of when constant interaction with the same comfortable crowd would forget any worries or longing. But to reminisce is not to look forward, and I have to: how else will I live my life?

step in conscience. Will I submerge myself in this new realm of social cool? Most likely not. But crazier things have happened.

It seems this bubble really has popped.

itouch

I bought my itouch to think of it as an investment. Because it is so expensive, it cannot be just another item I have, rather an asset I should treasure.  And I really do treasure it.  But my mom pointed out that my itouch is not the only "asset" I have, its not the only asset I'm entitled to. There is my car for instance.  This morning I woke up early and set up a station to wash my car.  It took a ridiculous amount of time, but I guess it's because I have not washed it since I received it in December.  I had to first rinse it down, getting all the gunk away from the top and sides of the car.  Then I really scrubbed it down until all the bird poop and dirt was off my car, disgusting by the way T_T.  When I washed the bottom of my car my ragged turned black.  Incredibly dirty.  After washing the outside of my car for about an hour or so, I cleaned the inside.  It wasn't as difficult, but nevertheless time consuming and harsh because my arms were tired from doing the karate kid manuever; "wax on, wax off".  hahaha

When I was done cleaning, I put my car back, but before I did I saw these little kids playing outside. No more than 7 years old playing with two identical dogs. Pretty amazing how they can live so carefree, so oblivious to what the future will demand of them.  But I just moved on, letting the thought linger a moment or so till it drifted away.

Back to my itouch.  I did not know you could download all these apps on it!

I always downloaded weird ones, but the recent ones I downloaded, dealing with tower defense, chess, connect 4, connect the dots, BOOKS, formula sheets, and a brainstorm app, are really useful.

I'm not excited to go to college. And I'm not afraid. I'm really apathetic.

I wonder why?  Everything in my life has just been one road, and I'm not usually very moved.  Nothing excites me too much.  I can't find a way to make myself appreciate anything to a higher degree than how I see everything else.  Sure, certain little events that take place make me happy or genuinely ecstatic. For example getting my itouch, getting a wii, marking a high score on a math test (shut up), making a three and proving to Justin he's wrong of his expectations of me, seeing/watching/cooking/baking good food, and watching a baby are the only things that come to mind that get me going.  I wonder if this is the reason I love strategy games so much, because I can't fully comprehend the depth and diversity those games contain. (Starcraft, Chess, Bah duk/ Go, Gommok (five in a row)) 

Meh.

last saturday before things get hectic. wooh?

Crashes and Google

My computer crashed again.

All last night and this morning, I woke up at six-seven a.m. to work on my computer, trying to fix it, trying to reboot it, and to no avail.  It makes me sad.  I managed to scavenge some information from my dying computer.  It was done for anyway.  Yet I can't really leave from it. you know? it would seem harsh if I did.  I've spent so much time on that computer. So much time away from something else I could've done.  Really, its the reason why I've succeeded and why I am the (hopefully) better person now, although I highly doubt it.  

My computer is now a Dimension 8200, rather than a Dimension 2400.  Its the same thing, except the computer I am using now has about 75GB. LOL thats more than 3 times the memory I put up with with my old computer.  My old computer had an astounding 22.2GB of memory. Whats even more amazing is how, after downloading all the necessities such as microsoft 2007, adobe, flash, and all the "common files", I was left with 8 GB.  I made do with those 8 GB so efficiently, let me tell you.  But even after all the hate I'm giving to my old computer, it in the end got the job done.  

My new computer functions just like the 2400 (it is a dimension.. duh), but it makes an annoying buzzing that occurs. constantly.  oh well. a computer is a computer.  

I also downloaded google chrome last night, read all the specifics about it in their little comic book, and 'they' convinced me to download their product.  Whats amazing about this is how google is dominating everything.  Literally.  They own the blog, youtube, they have Google: News, Finance, Maps, Images, Search Engine, Email, Shopping, Groups, Books, Scholar (for scholar articles relating to research, etc), Calender, Photo (like photobucket.. but better), SITES, DOCS, READER. Its a hell of a lot.

The last three, however, are more important than the rest (although the calender and photo have similar signficance). Want to guess why? 

These apps will revolutionize integrated computers; computers connected to the internet.

SITES: Lets you create your own site.  I am not kidding. It is much like blogs where people have their own "blogs", but enhanced to let the person have their own creativity and let it grow to however they wish it be... of course with google's tag on it.  key concept: its free.  its easy too. easy enough for the average person to use it and understand it.  

heres my site I just started and made within 30 seconds.

http://sites.google.com/site/kchangj/Home

DOCS: If everybody picks up on this, bye bye Microsoft 2007+.  It contains "Powerpoint, Word, Excel, and Forms.  To put it succinctly, google just eliminated the point of a "personal desktop".  This means the average person can move anywhere with a computer that contains internet access, and disregarding the computer's probable lack of word/ ppt/ excel, will be able to perform these tasks regardless.  The only thing saving microsoft now is how they make their products standard when buying a new computer.  Also, I don't know about you guys, but I used to email myself documents, wksts, etc so I could pull it out during school, from my mom's labtop, and so on.  It made my information mobile.  I did not always have a USB drive handy, so emailing myself the files were the next best thing.  DOCS allows you to upload everything online, in a very neat format. 

READER: helps you keep track of your favorite websites, eliminating the need for you to go to your computer and rely on the "favorites and caches" you store.  Basically, you log websites into it, and it constantly checks if there is any new content, pretty cool huh? Plus, since its all in one site, one format, you can view everything at once!  

Google is making this effort to truly revolutionize what we know of computers today.  What your desktop will be in the probable near future is just a shell to access the online web, mass, blob, of information and applications.

And its not only Google doing this, but really all the other major technology companies are getting into this as well.  I wonder who will win the race.

I think I'll place my bets on Google :)

.. and then theres the whole 'facebook' debacle. hmm..

I think this is enough for now :D

Lent

I'm not really christian nor a catholic.
I don't believe in anything more than I do anything else, but in my opinion certain traditions are very valid to today's society. For example, lent. To me, I always thought it amazing how a religion devoted a period of 40 days of "sacrifice" to better oneself. Now, if the person does not sacrifice one thing he/she truly mitigates as his/her obsession, it does not work out. But in the case the person does and succeeds, it creates a profound sense of accomplishment.

This is why I am going to partake in my own lent. Its important for me to take upon this task, because I am not very good at it... haha. If there are more portions of food and I'm not exactly full, I have a tendency to keep eating, no matter what. but enough about food. i'm not giving up food, it was just an example. :) Eating is important! Eating healthy is important! therefor to sacrifice "food" or large quantities of food is unhealthy. Lent is good, health is better ;) hahahaha

Anyway, I am going to give up... being lazy.
How will I do this? Like Obama, I have to keep this accountable, make it "transparent" ... so, I'll have the person I talk to most keep me in line. And also I have to define lazy. I'll define it by doing tasks to keep me active and out of my seat.

I will start to run everyday for at least 10 min, gradually increasing it till I get to 30 min.
This is how I will start, but I am open to suggestions :)
Any ideas to keep me active?

senior year

i love it :)
its so free. There is work to be done.. but that can always come later.
This is the first time during finals week where I'm not dying from stress.
I don't want to say its because I dont care, because I do. Just not enough for me to stress and grope for extra information for that extra point.. that never mattered.

I guess the biggest fear would be getting a grade I don't want. regret. but I don't have that. :)

College.
damn. can't wait for it, but I also don't want it to come.
Its this weird conflicting feeling (although not SO conflicting, i still want to leave :])
I'm finally the top person at highschool. No longer do I feel intimidated by people older than I, because really they're the staff, but I'm cool with the staff and the teachers :).

I don't yearn for fresh faces, fresh community, fresh new life. Its nice, but not necessary.
I'm afraid to move away from the people that have molded me into who I am.

Change. hahaha such an overused word. but really, its the thing coming to me. Its not a matter if I can accept this change, but how well I handle it.

From experiences from COSMOS, I can say that I can... but really those were cool people selected to create a group similar to who I am.

which leads me to this point. I'm going into engineering. Well that's how I'm going to start off. And what worries me is what my friend, who is in college told me, "You'll be married to those books of yours."

me: "D:"

I don't want another four years of studying (not that I did any these four years of highschool at Oxford..). But then again don't I need it? Wouldn't it be in my best decision to?

Damn. Regrets starting to form again. hahaha oh well.

I need to watch some movies!
I also need to start on Heroes, House M.D., and some books (Freakonomics for one).